An Anniversary and a Toast to 2017

Tonight's post is a happy one. Not that the other ones were necessarily unhappy, but tonight's is a full circle for 2017 but also a tribute to an anniversary.

December 29, 2011

That date will forever be etched in my memory as the beginning and ending of everything. And it truly is. Six years ago today I found out I was pregnant with Scarlett.

Life shattering

Heart broken

Devestated

Just a few adjectives that surrounded that moment of realization when the insanely dense blue line that popped up wasn't a control line, it was a "dear lord woman, you are pregnant" line.

I was twenty-three years old, home on winter break from my master's program, when I realized I was a few days late and the stomach flu everyone else in my family had may actually be a surge of pregnancy hormones for me. I honestly took the the test thinking it would ease my mind, that with the stress of finals and holidays I was just a few days off. How wrong I was. Literally the second my pee hit that stick that sucker was positive. I nearly passed out. In a fog I remember sticking the test in the back pocket of my jeans and begging my mom to come upstairs with me so I could show her. I had to tell somebody, and it only makes sense that it would be the person I went to for everything.

I wasn't kidding, look at those lines! Hello, Scarlett!

1 year anniversary blog post:

http://labordaybaby.blogspot.com/2012/12/one-year-18-weeks-old.html

The next couple days were a whirl of panic and planning. It was never a question for me on whether I would go through with the pregnancy. I was surrounded by family and friends who had tried for years to have children, and either struggled with infertility or were unable to have children. And while I certainly wasn't ready to have a child, I couldn't imagine disrespecting something so miraculous that many people only dream of having.

Before I had even told Matt, I had spoken with the dean at RUSH, modified my schedule for the next year, scheduled a slew of doctors appointments and figured out (as best as I could) what the hell I was going to do next.

But I digress.

December 29th, 2011

I cried. A lot. I had no idea how I was going to make this work. How Matt was going to take this. How my family would look at me. How I would survive on my own with a child. How I would make it the next 9 months let alone the next 18 years.

I was angry at myself for being so careless. I was angry that I was pregnant when a good friend of mine had been trying for years and still couldn't have a child. I was angry I was throwing away my twenties. I was angry I was "ruining" Matt's life and my reputation.

There was no way I could have ever understood then (or the coming months) just how amazing my life would become because of that little person growing inside of me. I guess that's the whole thing about hind sight is 20/20. 

I've talked about in past posts (not on this blog) how I have always wished I could have gone and comforted that 23 year old version of me and told her everything would be okay, and then on the reverse to being glad I couldn't because she would have missed that ride. And while I'm glad I can look back and reflect, I'm sad for the girl that shed so many tears on an adventure that would be her greatest one yet.

December 29th is a date of reflection for me. Where I can look back at my beautiful, now 5 year old, and think how lucky I am. How that was the beginning of my lifetime with her. But also to mourn with that scared girl who's life as she knew had ended. It's beautiful and bittersweet all at once. And so, I love this day.

In the six years since that fateful test a lot has happened. Not all of it was butterflies and roses but the vast majority of it was challenging, wonderful and truly beautiful. And six years I wouldn't trade for anything.

When I took that test I could have never imagined just how much I would fall in love with Scarlett and our lives. I could never have pictured Matty and I getting married and living happily ever after. Nor could I have imagined six years later I would be lamenting the devastation that is infertility and the pain that is not being able to have another child.

Life is funny like that, isn't it?

That brings me back to 2017 as a whole. I wish I was sitting here sick, like I was 6 years ago, instead of somewhat still dying from the flu. I'm sitting here watching Shrek with Scarlett (who's also still struggling with getting over the flu) while Indie snuggles on her lap and Mason snores behind me. 

I had a co-worker come up and tell me that 2018 would be a better year for me, and I had to stop her. I told her that 2017 was a great year! Yes, maybe in the baby making department it wasn't the best, but seriously guys, it's been a great year. I wont let one little speed bump take away from the truly awesome year we've had.

January Matty and I got engaged while going back to where we first began (hanging with Lindsay and Andrew)

February Scarlett performed onstage for the first time for Irish Dancing! AND Eloise Ann Link was born!! (Pics of her and Bug in June/July)

In March we FINALLY made things official when Matty and I got married

Matty turned the dirty thirty this year in May

June and July we spent most of our weeks up in Wisconsin. I bought my first new car. Scarlett completed her 1000 books before Kindergarten and most importantly, Cole Nolan Lyp was born!

In August Scarlett turned five years old and is officially half a decade, she also got to meet my friend Becca who is Scarlett's idol. We also added another member to our crazy, Miss Indira Mae

September Kelsey, Tom and Ella came and visited us, and we celebrated by going to Medieval Times

October we celebrated my favorite month and did our traditional Didier photo shoot

November I turned 29 and began the last leg of my 20's

And December we had our FIRST REAL CHRISTMAS TREE, which we will never do again, because seriously, the mess.

So there we have it friends. 2017 was an AMAZING year. I am blessed with an incredible family and supportive friends. We are (more or less...) healthy. We gained more than we loss, and that is a win. I'm not sure what 2018 will bring us. I hope that we may be able to add another love to our chaos, but if we don't, that's ok too. It's not a glass half empty or half full kinda life, it's a damn grateful to have a glass in the first place.

Happy 2018 my friends.