Summer time and the simmin's easy....
It's not summer time, nor is the stimming easy. I am on day 2 of stimulation and am doing pretty well so far. It hasn't been as bad as I initially thought it would be, but I'm also only on day 2. I've started doing vlogs of my stimulation, my goal is to have a whole compilation by the time we're done. It's so important to me to document this journey for us and to have videos for Scarlett to watch as she gets older (and the new baby too!). So I will be adding the links to the videos in the blog and will update with a blurb daily.
So. It's been a week or so since I last blogged. I was struggling last week. I had a hellish time getting my medications, it included nearly 10 hours total on the phone, 14 days and a hell of a lot of tears. I hit my breaking point. Even though I was able to get everything resolved and get the price down from 6k to $206, it took it all out of me.
That night I sat down and cried. A lot. I asked Matt why we were doing this. Why were we putting all of this time and energy and money into something that doesn't have a 100% guarantee. That there is still a 40% chance it wont work. I had my hopes so high for the IUI and it really did hit me hard when it didn't work. That realization that there is that possibility we wont have another child became so daunting. Matt, I love him so much. He is such a good man. He talked me down and reasoned with me. That if it failed the first round, we would try again, and again, and again. He is confident that it will work and told me that I needed to dig deep down and find that place with all of this doubt and smother it. I mentioned before that I really am a glass half full person, and the last week I hadn't been. So I've taken this time to regroup and center myself again before we began this stimulation cycle. I started doing my gratitude journal. I highly recommend this to everyone. Every night I write down three things I am grateful for, they can be as simple as, "the sunrise was beautiful this morning," to "the way Scarlett came in bed and played with my hair and talked to me before I went to sleep". I started doing this when I was going through that dark place when I was pregnant and it helped change the perspective I had. The last 5 years I've intermittently done it again when I felt myself struggling. When I feel bad, I go and read all of these beautiful things I am thankful for and it helps calibrate my world.
I had my baseline US and blood work on Tuesday before TNS. Everything had to be okay for us to start the stimulation on the 28th. All the results were perfect. I have 15 "sleeping" follicles, which is around where they wanted me to be. My usually quiet left ovary even has a few follicles, that's a huge win for me.
I've been doing research on acupuncture and IVF and have found a ton of supporting literature for a positive correlation between success in IVF and acupuncture. I've been on the fence about it, I mean it's just another thing that we have to pay for. But after last week when I had that breakdown I knew I needed to at least give it a try. I had my appointment today at a local acupuncturist here in McHenry, it was supposed to be an hour session, but ended up being nearly two hours. I went in with a very open mind, I don't know a whole lot about Chinese medicine, but was excited to learn. Bonnie, the acupuncturist is lovely. I think she was skeptical of me being a nurse and heavily in Western medicine. I also get that. She asked me questions for nearly an hour about everything and then explained how acupuncture works. I wont even try and explain what she told me because I don't know and understand enough about it. Not my specialty.
The session was great, I am terrified of needles and to be honest it wasn't horrible. It wasn't comfortable to be poked, but once they were in it was fine. The second she put the first one in my left ankle I felt the craziest sensation. It felt like I had electricity running up and down my leg, like nothing I had ever felt before. I told Bonnie this, and I'm telling you she was smiling ear to ear. I guess everyone experiences this different, some don't feel anything physical and few have strong reactions to the acupuncture needles. I am one of those people. If you would have told me this prior to going to this appointment I would have flatly said, bullshit. It was one of the most bizarre sensations I've ever felt, like I had a quiet electrical current running through my body. It was strange, terrifying and yet totally pleasant all at once.
I left the session knowing I would be going back and continue going through our treatment. I highly recommend trying it at least once if you haven't, even if you're not trying to conceive. It was very calming and eye opening in how to listen to your body. But I digress.
So here I am now, feeling better than I did last week and even better than I did earlier today. I am a work in progress and am going to continue to try my best and be positive. I may not be writing as much as I have been the next week or so, but I will be uploading and linking a video each day.
So. It's been a week or so since I last blogged. I was struggling last week. I had a hellish time getting my medications, it included nearly 10 hours total on the phone, 14 days and a hell of a lot of tears. I hit my breaking point. Even though I was able to get everything resolved and get the price down from 6k to $206, it took it all out of me.
That night I sat down and cried. A lot. I asked Matt why we were doing this. Why were we putting all of this time and energy and money into something that doesn't have a 100% guarantee. That there is still a 40% chance it wont work. I had my hopes so high for the IUI and it really did hit me hard when it didn't work. That realization that there is that possibility we wont have another child became so daunting. Matt, I love him so much. He is such a good man. He talked me down and reasoned with me. That if it failed the first round, we would try again, and again, and again. He is confident that it will work and told me that I needed to dig deep down and find that place with all of this doubt and smother it. I mentioned before that I really am a glass half full person, and the last week I hadn't been. So I've taken this time to regroup and center myself again before we began this stimulation cycle. I started doing my gratitude journal. I highly recommend this to everyone. Every night I write down three things I am grateful for, they can be as simple as, "the sunrise was beautiful this morning," to "the way Scarlett came in bed and played with my hair and talked to me before I went to sleep". I started doing this when I was going through that dark place when I was pregnant and it helped change the perspective I had. The last 5 years I've intermittently done it again when I felt myself struggling. When I feel bad, I go and read all of these beautiful things I am thankful for and it helps calibrate my world.
My kitchen set up
The meds are taking up a lot of space in the fridge!
I had my baseline US and blood work on Tuesday before TNS. Everything had to be okay for us to start the stimulation on the 28th. All the results were perfect. I have 15 "sleeping" follicles, which is around where they wanted me to be. My usually quiet left ovary even has a few follicles, that's a huge win for me.
I've been doing research on acupuncture and IVF and have found a ton of supporting literature for a positive correlation between success in IVF and acupuncture. I've been on the fence about it, I mean it's just another thing that we have to pay for. But after last week when I had that breakdown I knew I needed to at least give it a try. I had my appointment today at a local acupuncturist here in McHenry, it was supposed to be an hour session, but ended up being nearly two hours. I went in with a very open mind, I don't know a whole lot about Chinese medicine, but was excited to learn. Bonnie, the acupuncturist is lovely. I think she was skeptical of me being a nurse and heavily in Western medicine. I also get that. She asked me questions for nearly an hour about everything and then explained how acupuncture works. I wont even try and explain what she told me because I don't know and understand enough about it. Not my specialty.
The session was great, I am terrified of needles and to be honest it wasn't horrible. It wasn't comfortable to be poked, but once they were in it was fine. The second she put the first one in my left ankle I felt the craziest sensation. It felt like I had electricity running up and down my leg, like nothing I had ever felt before. I told Bonnie this, and I'm telling you she was smiling ear to ear. I guess everyone experiences this different, some don't feel anything physical and few have strong reactions to the acupuncture needles. I am one of those people. If you would have told me this prior to going to this appointment I would have flatly said, bullshit. It was one of the most bizarre sensations I've ever felt, like I had a quiet electrical current running through my body. It was strange, terrifying and yet totally pleasant all at once.
I left the session knowing I would be going back and continue going through our treatment. I highly recommend trying it at least once if you haven't, even if you're not trying to conceive. It was very calming and eye opening in how to listen to your body. But I digress.
So here I am now, feeling better than I did last week and even better than I did earlier today. I am a work in progress and am going to continue to try my best and be positive. I may not be writing as much as I have been the next week or so, but I will be uploading and linking a video each day.
Comments
Post a Comment